John Neal ∙ Professor of Practice at Hult International Business School
Faculty Column ∙ November 5, 2025
Ego gives people the will to win; integrity gives them the wisdom to win well.”
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Ego isn’t the enemy
Imagine a kid with exceptional sporting talent which surpasses that of all their peers. From an early age, they are always picked first, perform better than everybody else, and their identity quickly becomes entwined with their sporting talent. They have the unwavering support of their parents and peers who are blown away by their talent. They are so good that coaches often leave them alone, meaning they are not challenged.
Now add to this large sums of money, a car with their name on the side, adoring fans who cheer their every move and want unending selfies. The TV interviews build them up, social media raises their profile further and, still, nobody challenges them. They are just too good.
They feel unstoppable with the world at their feet. They are focused upon “me”.
Sport runs on ego. It fuels ambition, risk, and the courage to step into the arena. Without ego, nobody would attempt the extraordinary. But unregulated ego – in athletes, coaches, or leaders – destroys the very environments that make sustainable success possible.
After decades working across sport, business, and coach development, my conclusion is simple: the solution is not to remove ego, but to understand it, regulate it, and direct it with effective performance coaching.
The best leaders and coaches I have worked with – in boardrooms, on pitches, and in military command – do not suppress ego. They coach it.
Moving from me to we
In my book “Coaching – The World Class Basics”, I researched what the great coaches working in high performance do to make a difference for great athletes with big egos.
Sir Ian McGeechan was the coach that prompted my research. A knight of the realm and a highly successful rugby player and coach, he has a proven track record of success in rugby union teams including Northampton, Wasps Scotland, and the British and Irish Lions.
I asked him, “What’s the secret to coaching success?” He replied that there was no secret, you just have to be world class at the basics, even under pressure. My next question was, “So what are the basics?” He replied, “That is the journey of the great coaches – to discover the basics for yourself, your players, your team, and in your context”.
And so my journey began. I interviewed coaches from a variety of high-performance environments to discover if there were any common values, behaviors, systems or processes which I could share with other coaches to assist them.
In the book I set out the foundations of sustainable performance: self-awareness, awareness of others under pressure, curiosity, future-thinking, building trust and rapport, asking questions, listening, giving feedforward, and developing your own coaching approach.
These are not just performance tools – they are ego regulators. They convert ego from a self-serving impulse into a team-serving force, from me to we.
1. Managing ego is fundamentally an act of self-regulation.
Under threat, identity tries to defend itself. That’s why self-awareness and awareness of others are non-negotiable – they let us catch the impulse before it becomes a behavior. Neuroscience confirms this: reflection activates the prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain that governs deliberate choice – and tempers emotional reactivity. Curiosity and listening are not “soft”; they are biological overrides that move us from ego to integrity.
Self-awareness is the foundation of effective coaching. The ability to understand and predict how you are likely to respond under pressure is critical, then having the emotional intelligence to leave your problems at the door when dealing with big egos. There is only space for a few of them in the same room – and the coach shouldn’t be one of them.
2. Ego performs; authenticity connects.
In high-stakes environments we often confuse credibility with infallibility. The most effective coaches and leaders I’ve worked with have learned to show humility without surrendering authority. They live their values when it is least convenient. That is integrity – what you do when no one is watching.
It also means saying what your truth is with clarity and care even when it’s uncomfortable. In my experience, compassionate candor builds stronger teams than diplomacy ever has.
3. Ego clings to control. Integrity honors promises of empowerment.
It is easy to delegate when things go well; most leaders grab back control the moment performance dips. That is the moment trust is either made or broken.
Integrity means backing your word – giving people room to learn, fail, and rise. It is a harder form of bravery: believing in others more than you believe in the illusion of control.
4. Busyness often masquerades as progress.
Ego needs to be seen acting, whereas integrity is concerned with impact. Future-thinking (one of the world class basics) forces leaders to pause and ask: “What decision will still make sense six months from now?”
This ability to make the right choices rather than simply react is the difference that enables high-performance outcomes. Cultures that survive beyond one season are built by leaders who can suspend urgency long enough to think. Great coaches help players and teams to identify long-term measures of success beyond win, lose and draw statistics. Teams with a clear purpose, often grounded in wider societal impact and long-term outcomes, are more effective and generate a positive culture which everybody wants to be part of.
5. Ego pushes harder and faster – but unchecked, intensity leads to burnout.
Real leadership protects the system as it drives it. High performance is not a heroic sprint; it is a repeatable rhythm of stretch and recovery. When leaders show that humanity is not weakness but fuel, resilience compounds.
6. Feedforward – not fault-finding – is the most effective brake on ego.
This is where curiosity, questions, and listening are critical. Great coaches don’t broadcast answers; they expand perspective through questions. Ego wants to be right. Integrity wants others to get better.
Remember that young talent that was never challenged secretly wants help, not to be told, but to engage with a critical friend who cares about them and their success and that of the wider team. Support and challenge are critical to find effective solutions to performance problems.
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Ego will always exist. It’s what gives people the will to compete. But unless it is coached, it can overrun what is best for the team. Without ego, there is no drive. Without integrity, there is no direction. Great teams put the ‘we’ before the ‘me’ and always consider, “What am I prepared to give up of myself in order for this team to be successful?”
The World Class Basics that I wrote about in my book are the mechanism that turns ego from a private hunger into a shared advantage: self-awareness keeps us honest, curiosity keeps us learning, trust keeps us connected, and feedforward keeps us improving.
That is what distinguishes world class leadership – not volume or bravado, but the quiet discipline of moving from me to we.
And finally, a word of warning. The World Class Basics can only act as a guide for your coaching and leadership approach. Remember what Sir Ian said to me: “That is the journey of the great coaches – to discover the basics for yourself, your players, your team, and in your context”.
Key Takeaways
1. Self-awareness is the foundation of effective coaching
The ability to understand and predict how you are likely to respond under pressure is critical, as is having the emotional intelligence to deal with big egos.
2. Speak your truth with clarity and care even when it’s uncomfortable
In my experience, compassionate candor builds stronger teams than diplomacy ever has.
3. When things aren’t going well, keep delegating
Don’t cling to control. Giving people room to learn, fail, and rise is what builds trust and empowerment to perform.
4. Suspend urgency long enough to think about the future
Future-thinking forces leaders to pause and ask: “What decision will still make sense six months from now?”
5. Identify measures of success beyond winning
Teams with a clear purpose, often grounded in wider impact and long-term outcomes, are more effective and generate a positive culture people want to be part of.
6. Protect well-being
Ego pushes harder and faster which leads to burnout. Real leadership protects the system as it drives it. High performance is not a heroic sprint; it is a repeatable rhythm of stretch and recovery.
7. Feedforward – not fault-finding – is the most effective brake on ego
This is where curiosity, questions, and listening are critical. Great coaches don’t broadcast answers; they expand perspective through questions.
8. Challenging talent is as critical as supporting them
Engage your talent through caring, critical coaching to find solutions to performance issues and advance their success and that of the team.
Meet the expert
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John Neal
Professor of Practice at Hult International Business School
John is a Professor of Practice at Hult International Business School and performance coach who works with leaders and their teams to achieve remarkable results under intense pressure. He is an exercise physiologist, performance psychologist and qualified executive and performance coach.
He works across three industries: business, sport and the military. In business he consults with large global corporates including Coke, Swarovski, Munich Re, Sage, Erste Bank.
In the sports world, John has crafted an extensive and successful career working globally as a performance coach preparing international and national leaders, coaches and their teams for 13 World Cups, 9 Olympic games, 3 European Rugby Championships, The Football Premier league, Lacrosse, British Horseracing, F1, the BOA and UKSport.
In the military he works for the Defence Leadership Academy at Shrivenham, NATO and with the RAF, British Army and Navy, the British and Scottish Police services, GCHQ and the Abu Dhabi Police. John is also MD of Neal Training – Corporate Health Management. He was Wellbeing Advisor to the Royal Household for seven years.
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